Riding and Yoga

Yoga relaxes high-strung people like me. After an hour and a half of practice, riding home at night is one long glorious exhale. But wait, what is this car about to do? Surely he sees me, … oh, he wouldn’t, oh crap he did, he made a right turn in front of me.

(brain bifurcates, yoga mind and lizard brain take their corners, body is left to its own devices and muscle memory.)

Body applies front and rear brakes slowly, no screeching, no locking. Impact avoidace distance between bike’s front wheel and car’s rear end is completed and would be measured with a yardstick. One yardstick.

Lizard brain: "Fxxking bastard! What is the matter with you! Didn’t you see me?"

Yoga mind: "Relax. Let it go. Your braking was perfect, no harm, no foul. Just pass him and forget about it."

Lizard brain: "Bastard isn’t even acknowledging that he cut in front me. No nervous wave of the hand in the rear view mirror, no flash of the lights, nothing! Bastard! I want to make sure he knows that he just did something dangerous and rude."

Yoga mind: "What do you have in mind?"

Lizard brain: "I’m going to ride his ass with my brights on."

Yoga mind: (groan)

Body’s eyes scan handle bars for bright light switch. I do not know where the bright light switch is, I have never used the brights on this bike, and I rarely use them in general. Finally, eyes and fingers sync up, brights are switched on, front wheel of bike pulls close to car, bike matches car’s speed.

Yoga mind: "What is the matter with you? Fifteen minutes ago you were calm, cool and collected.  Now you are channeling your inner five year-old having a tantrum."

Lizard brain: "Yeah, and it feels good."

We come to a stop light. I switch off the brights, pull into the right lane and look into the car, yup, it’s a guy in the shoulders-slightly-hunched, eyes-staring-straight-ahead, I’m-not-aware-of-anything-that-might-be-happening-outside-this-car posture.

Yoga mind: "If you turn right here, you and this unfortunate individual will part ways, and this silliness will be over."

Lizard brain: "Good idea. I want to get away from this fxxking idiot."

Body directs the bike to turn right at the intersection and lizard brain influences the application of throttle such that any adolescent would be proud.

Yoga mind: "Feel better now?"

Lizard brain: "Yes."

A few minutes later, a black 4-door sedan, mid-1980’s model appears on my left. Bloody hell! It’s the fxxking bastard! We must have realized each other’s proximity at about the same time because although he’s to my left, he starts hanging back. We come to another stop light. I’m seething again. Yoga mind prevails. When the light changes, I pull away in my normal, law abiding, sedate manner. He pulls a sharp right turn behind me, crossing two lanes, and gets on the freeway. 

Yoga mind: "Do you think he really wanted to get on the freeway or do you think he was afraid of the crazy biker who rode his ass with her brights on for some reason that he can’t figure out?"

Lizard brain: "Shut up. He’s gone."

Yoga mind: (silence).

Lizard brain: "I said, shut up."

Yoga mind: (more silence)

I get home and tell my sister what a jerk I was.

Me: "What do you suppose I’m supposed to learn from this?"

Sister: ""Fxxking bastard, fxxking bastard" … rather monotonous and uninspired, don’t you think? You need to learn to swear with more creativity and variety."

Next day I tell a colleague who also teaches yoga what a jerk I was.

Colleague: "Yoga does relax, and, yoga releases as well."

Me: (understanding and horror set in) "So I just took out four months of pent up work-related frustrations on that guy."

Colleague: "Let it go. Sounds like he needed a wake up call anyway."

Me: "I feel bad. I’ve never ever ridden someone’s ass with my brights on before. I have never intentially peeled rubber from a stop. Cars have done a whole lot worse to me when I’ve been on the bike and all I did was swear.  Should I run a personals ad and apologize?"

Colleague: "Let it go. Don’t let your frustrations get so pent up in the future - do more yoga."